“It’s hard to remember who you were when you’re constantly pretending to be someone you’re not.”
Have you ever been taught to relax, to be optimistic, or that everything occurs for a reason? These sayings aren’t simply annoying; they also exhibit toxic optimism, which holds that anything is possible, provided you have a cheerful outlook.
Despite the best intentions, toxic positivity can lead people to suppress their bad emotions, regardless of how real they may be. Your mental health may suffer as a result of this mindset, which can also result in unhealthy relationships and loneliness.
In this article, we’ll talk about how to recognize toxic optimism in yourself, how it affects your relationship, and how to develop good coping mechanisms for your feelings.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic Positivity is dysfunctional emotional control that ignores any unpleasant emotions, especially grief and anger.
It is the pressure to be positive no matter how dreadful [one’s] position is,” which could inhibit emotional coping by allowing one to experience normally normal feelings.
When people think that it’s best to avoid having any negative ideas, they exhibit toxic optimism. Even in response to situations that would typically cause grief, including loss or struggle, positivity is promoted as a coping mechanism but tends to ignore and discard authentic expression.
Is Toxic Positivity Really Toxic?
Too much positivism might injure those who are going through difficult situations. When confronted with poisonous optimism, individuals discover that they are not only unable to express their true human emotions but also do not receive unwavering support.
Being optimistic is a decision, even in the face of difficult circumstances and experiences. However, those going through trauma shouldn’t feel under pressure to remain positive or as though their lack of optimism is being judged.
However, a “glass-half-full” perspective on life is not inherently bad. Studies have shown that optimism can improve your mental health and encourage you to adopt healthy lifestyle habits.
Toxic Positivity vs Optimism
Optimism and positive toxicity seem to be the same thing at first glance. However, toxic positivity is the refusal to face negative emotions, which is the equivalent of refusing to remove your rose-coloured glasses even when doing so causes more harm than benefit to you or another person.
Contrarily, optimism motivates you to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt, utilizing a positive outlook and the resources at your disposal to go forward.
What are Some Examples of Toxic Positivity?
Toxic Positivity is frequently exemplified by the following.
– Denying your genuine emotions out keeping your genuine feelings hidden out of concern about what other people would think.
– Laughing and advising someone else to “just be positive” when they are in pain OR expressing to someone that “Everything Happens for a Reason.”
– The act of pushing strong emotions aside to move on with one’s life.
– Using positive aphorisms and buzzwords to reduce any discomfort felt
– Using the excuse that “things could be worse” to justify your behaviour and the behaviour of others.
– Keeping in mind that “things are what they are,” you can push away feelings of disappointment, sadness, and loss.
– Avoiding any unpleasant emotions and forcing oneself to maintain a grin.
– Shaming someone else for expressing their unpleasant feelings.
7 symptoms of How a Toxic Relationship Affects Your Relationship?
According to Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., author of “Joy from Fear,” Depending on the type of connection, toxic symptoms might range from hardly noticeable to fairly obvious.
It might not always be easy for you to spot the telltale indications of a toxic relationship when they start to emerge. You, your partner, or your relationship may experience some of these symptoms, though.
Toxic Communication
Most of your interactions are characterized by sarcasm or criticism and are fueled by contempt, which is a sign of impending divorce, rather than kindness and respect for one another.
Do you ever catch yourself hurling insults at loved ones or friends? When they have gone, you might ridicule them by mockingly repeating what they said. You can just begin ignoring their calls to prevent the inevitable arguments and hostility.
Jealousy or Envy
It’s acceptable to occasionally feel a bit jealous, but this can turn into a problem if it keeps you from enjoying and applauding your partner’s accomplishments.
Envy is similar in this regard. Yes, that is an entirely typical human emotion. But if it leads to constant skepticism and mistrust, your relationship can start to erode.
Lack of Support
According to Caraballo, “healthy relationships are built on a shared desire to see the other thrive in all areas of life. But when conditions deteriorate, every accomplishment turns into a contest”.
Simply put, spending time with you no longer feels good. You don’t feel encouraged or supported, and you don’t have faith in them to stand up for you. In contrast, you can feel that they simply care about their desires and don’t care about your needs or interests.
Patterns of Disrespect
According to Manly, a warning indication is when you consistently arrive late, casually “forget” events, or engage in other actions that demonstrate a disregard for your time.
It can be advantageous to start with a discussion about this behaviour, as long as you remember that few people genuinely find it difficult to commit something on time. You will feel good if it isn’t deliberate and you’ve explained why it troubles you.
Resentment
Intimacy is harmed when resentments are harboured. According to Caraballo, “dissatisfaction or anger can mount up over time and make a little gulf much larger.”
Also, think about whether you would prefer not to voice your problems because you don’t feel good and confident doing so. If you don’t think your partner will listen to you, your relationship can get poisonous.
Controlling Behaviors
Are you constantly asked where you are by your partner? They could become frustrated or annoyed if you don’t reply to their texts soon away or if they keep messaging you until you do.
These behaviours could be caused by jealousy, a lack of trust, or wanting a hold, all of which can increase a relationship’s poisonous elements. Sometimes, these attempts at control may also be signs of abuse.
Constant Anxiety
You may encounter some friction in your relationship due to regular obstacles like an illness in the family or the loss of your job. However, being constantly on edge, especially in the absence of external stressors, is a red flag that something is not going well.
In response to persistent stress, your physical and mental health may suffer, and you may feel miserable, physically and emotionally exhausted, or otherwise ill. Couple counselling is required in such cases.
Final Thoughts
It’s time to stop spreading toxic positivity if you realize that you are one of its transmitters. By sticking with this monochromatic outlook, you harm yourself the most. Try to aim for balance and the acceptance of both positive and negative feelings as opposed to poisonous positivism and all-or-nothing thinking.
We advise you to establish healthy boundaries with anyone who makes judgments about your true experience and tells the truth if you’re being influenced by toxic positivity. We only have one opportunity at this lovely, terrible, imperfect life; accept it wholeheartedly to reap the benefits of abundant aliveness.
