Alex: Why are you so upset about last night? I never said those things to you.
Sam: But you did, Alex. You told me I was embarrassing you in front of our friends.
Alex: You’re imagining things, Sam. You’re always so sensitive. You need to stop overreacting to everything.
This is just one example of how gaslighting depletes your mental energy.
What is Gaslighting?
Have you ever felt like you were losing your grip on reality because someone kept denying your experiences or twisting your words? Welcome to the world of gaslighting. Psychological abuse, such as gaslighting, involves someone manipulating you into doubting your own sanity. It’s sneaky and insidious and can leave you questioning your thoughts, feelings, and memories.
“The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which the husband” dims the lights and then denies them to his wife. Creepy, right?
Gregory: Paula, did you take my watch again? It was right here on the table.
Paula: No, Gregory, I haven’t touched it. I don’t know where it is.
Gregory: You must have taken it. This is the third time something has gone missing, and you don’t remember. Are you sure you’re not just forgetting?
Paula: I… I don’t think so. But now, I’m not sure. Maybe I did take it and just don’t remember.
Gregory: See? You’re becoming so forgetful. You really should rest more. You’re not well, Paula.
Signs of Gaslighting in Relationships
So, how can you tell if you’re being gaslit? There are a few telltale signs to watch out for. Do you often feel confused and second-guess yourself? Maybe you always apologise, even when you haven’t done anything wrong. Gaslighters love to make you feel like you’re overreacting. They might say things like, “You’re so sensitive” or “You’re imagining things.” Suppose someone is constantly dismissing your feelings or making you question your reality. In that case, it’s a red flag that gaslighting might be at play.
Psychological Impact of Gaslighting
The effects of gaslighting go far beyond mere confusion. Over time, this kind of manipulation can severely impact your mental health. You might start to feel anxious, depressed, or even develop a sense of helplessness. Imagine living in a world where you constantly doubt yourself and your perceptions. It’s exhausting and can erode your self-esteem. You may become isolated, feeling like no one understands or believes you. It’s a lonely, terrifying place to be.
“Why do I always feel so confused? Last night, Alex told me I’m too sensitive again. But was I really? I remember feeling hurt, but now I’m unsure if I overreacted. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am the problem.”
“But then, why does it feel so real when it happens? I used to trust my feelings and memories, but now everything seems hazy. I can’t even talk to my friends about it because they might think I’m being dramatic. I feel so alone. No one would understand.”
“I used to be confident in my decisions. Now, I can’t choose without doubting myself a hundred times. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells, just trying to avoid another argument. Is this what my life is going to be like?”
How Gaslighting Affects Mental Health
When gaslighting takes hold, it can lead to severe mental health issues. Victims often experience anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The constant self-doubt and fear can trigger panic attacks or make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time. It’s not just in your head – this kind of abuse can have real, tangible effects on your brain and body. Your stress levels skyrocket, and your overall well-being takes a hit.
Coping Strategies and Seeking Help
If you think you might be a victim of gaslighting, it’s crucial to take steps to protect yourself.
- Start by Talking to Someone You Trust
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- Share your experiences with a friend, family member, or therapist.
- Example: “I told my sister about how Alex keeps telling me I’m too sensitive. She listened and assured me my feelings were valid.”
- Document Your Experiences
- Keep a journal or record of incidents to validate your feelings and provide evidence.
- Example: “I started writing down every time Alex denied something he said. Having a record helped me see the pattern and feel less confused.”
- Set Boundaries
- Clearly define what behaviours you will not tolerate and communicate them to the gaslighter.
- Example: “I told Alex that it’s not okay to call me overly sensitive and that I won’t engage in conversations where my feelings are dismissed.”
- Seek Professional Help
- Reach out to a therapist who can provide support and tools to help you reclaim your sense of reality and self-worth.
- Example: “I started seeing a therapist who taught me strategies to trust my perceptions and rebuild my confidence.”
- Remember, You Don’t Have to Tolerate Abuse
- Respect yourself, and remove yourself from harmful situations when necessary.
- Example: “I realised I don’t have to stay in a relationship where I’m constantly doubting myself. It’s okay to prioritise my mental health and well-being.”
You can take these steps to protect your mental health and well-being if you suspect you’re being gaslit.
Preventing and Addressing Gaslighting
Prevention is key when it comes to gaslighting. Educate yourself and others about the signs and effects of this insidious form of abuse. Encourage open, honest communication in your relationships. You should address gaslighting directly if it is safe for you to do so if you suspect that someone is trying to gaslight you. Say, “I feel like my feelings are being dismissed, and that’s not okay.” Standing up for yourself can be empowering and help break the cycle of manipulation. Many a time, it takes a lot of work to stand up for yourself. It’s easier said than done. Therapy can help empower you to do the same.
Building Self-Confidence and Trusting Your Own Perceptions
Rebuilding your self-confidence and learning to trust your perceptions again takes time, but it’s possible.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People
- Seek friends, family, or support groups that validate your experiences and feelings.
- Example: “I started spending more time with my friend Sarah, who always listens and believes me when I talk about what I’m going through.”
- Engage in Activities That Make You Feel Good
- Participate in hobbies or activities that boost your confidence and highlight your strengths.
- Example: “I joined a local painting class because creating art helps me feel accomplished and relaxed.”
- Practice Self-Compassion
- Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that your feelings and experiences are valid.
- Example: “When I start doubting myself, I take a moment to remind myself that it’s okay to feel this way and that my emotions are real.”
- Trust Your Own Intuition
- Learn to listen to your inner voice or your inner GPS and use it to stay grounded in reality.
- Example: “I started trusting my gut feelings more, like when something doesn’t feel right in a conversation, I acknowledge it and take a step back.”
Rebuilding self-confidence and trusting your perceptions again can be a gradual process. Still, these steps can help you on that journey.
Finally
Gaslighting is dangerous and can wreak havoc on your mental health, but understanding it is the first step towards overcoming it. By recognising the signs, seeking help, and taking steps to protect yourself, you can break free from the grip of gaslighting and reclaim your life. Remember, you deserve to feel confident, understood, and valued. Stay strong and trust yourself – you’ve got this.
References:
Is Someone Gaslighting You? Learn the Warning Signs – Verywellmind By Sherri Gordon
8 ways to deal with gaslighting – Medical News Today
